by Hazel Jean Angwani
I
have always heard stories about missionaries growing up. My mother would always
tell stories about how she used to take care of some CICM fathers and even her
father before that. In school, I would also hear stories from our teachers and
priests on how they were inspired by the missionaries’ works that helped
alleviate poverty and preserved our indigenous culture. Because of the impact
left by the missionaries before in our community, I would not fail to hear a
suggestion from the older generations, “Be a missionary.” But I would just
shrug off the thought because in my mind before when they say missionary, it
would usually pertain to priest or nun. In all honesty, I do not want to be a
nun because I would wear skirts or dresses which I find hard to do. And I
thought that maybe one can become a missionary still without having to be a
priest or a nun. I found my answer one day when I was browsing over a magazine
and I became happy. I knew it, I said to myself. Nonetheless it took me a
couple of years before finally entering into the lay missionary program.
In
college, I was not really sure what to do next. But driven with the motivation
to finish a degree, I finished my bachelor’s degree. Finishing it felt good
inside but I somehow felt that I lack the motivation to pursue a career with
it. Even after passing the board exam the same year I graduated, I still lacked
the motivation that is line with what I finished. I took up a job but it did
not last long then I spent a few months jobless. It was during these periods
that I knew I was looking for something which I cannot really name. But at one
point, I remembered about the lay missionary program and said maybe I should
try again. Trying again, I got into the accompaniment program and afterwards
got accepted to the orientation program. By the time I entered the lay
missionary program of the Columban Society, the term missionary for me has
already changed. Everything now is coming into fruition but of course, it was
just the beginning. Going through the orientation program took me a lot of
energy. But I trusted that the process would help me in preparation for
cross-cultural mission individually as a person.
Looking
back when I started, I can say that I am glad I took the leap of faith and
willingly opened my heart to all the possibilities. God heard my prayers and my
heart’s desire. It is actually now that I realized that my prayers have always
been answered. He has put me in these circumstances and let me meet people to
help me look deeper into myself. I guess I was just overwhelmed by what I
have-my talents, my gifts and potentials- and do not know where to really start
sharing them to the world. Before having these potentials would really make me
very pessimistic about what I can do. But thankfully because of the process I
have undergone during the orientation, I can say that I now enjoy having them.
I was able to polish what I have and no longer scared to share it. I still
continue to pray to the Lord to give me the strength to hold on to the
conviction that led me where I am now. It is just the beginning and though
overwhelmed still by how far I have come, at least, I find myself enjoying
every moment of it. To God be the glory.
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