Reflections of Monaliza "Mona" S.
Esteban
Columban Lay Missionary
I was born and raised by a
Christian family. Luckily as a kid, I was taught to do the practices, observe
the beliefs, memorize prayers, songs, and other teachings of the so called
Catholic Church which engulfed my family even before I was born. In short, I
was made to recognize the dogmas of the religion without knowing and
understanding how and why. The gauge of being a so called religious was then to
accept unquestionably those teachings. As a kid I obeyed, but at times breaking
the rules came as a challenge and it was often committed…….But I didn’t know it
was already the foundation of my vocation.
Fortunately, whether it was
meant or by chance, I landed in a school where I had the opportunity to re-visit,
understand, and perhaps evaluate and study what was fed to me during my younger
years. It is quite ironic, however, that we were doing and practicing all those
ceremonies, masses, memorized prayers, and other so called religious activities
while at the same time we were having our academic discussions of the teachings
and doings of the church. However, the opportunity to question everything till
the very foundation of my belief was indeed great. As an adult, I came to
understand and reflect that with those things I didn’t even notice my vocation
was being nourished. I believed God used all these to see what and where I will
be at present.
Gone were the days of
academics and opportunities just to sit and reflect or discuss the world
outside….
I started to work and mingle
with different personalities from all walks of life. Whatever, difference they
may have however, they can just simply be delineated as the rich and the poor
both spiritual and wealth possession as the gauge…In the school where I worked,
this is truly obvious. Most of the time I have to do things in order to assist
these kids who belong to the so called poor but rich and rich but poor.
Reflecting on it, I am already doing such mission. But then, the fulfillment
was not met. I felt something is missing that God wants me to search on.
Something that we have to work on together I believe.
I started
to search for that “something”, “something” to fulfill my dream as a
missionary. With God’s grace I met the Columban Lay Missionaries (CLM). To be
candid, this was the first lay missionary community that responded to my call.
I then started my accompaniment year while working in a Catholic school in
Bulacan. Eventually during my 2011 birthday retreat I finally accepted God’s
invitation to have my orientation year in preparation for a cross cultural
mission.
It was during this year when I got the chance
to experience many things being discussed during my academic years. I never
imagined myself doing things I only see on movies or heard from some
experienced personalities…
I have witnessed rich families attending
masses together on Sundays taking the opportunity to be together, bond, visit
parks, and just enjoy the day as a family. In contrast, I have seen poor
families attend masses on Sundays and part their own ways after because they do
not have the luxury just to spend their time together. This simple scenario
made me ponder on the role of the church - us! At the same time it reminded me
of famous writers and thinkers in history who have made the pronouncement that
the church or religion is just but an “opium” meant to pacify the poor…I
remember once in my life I have been in a place where the so called church is
remote to the vocabulary of the people around. Reflecting why, I came to the
realization that indeed, how can these people be devoting their time attending
masses, prayer meetings, fellowships, or other religious activities when their
very concern is their hand-to-mouth existence? How can these people spare their
time to religious people going to their houses for prayer or bible studies when
after listening to whatever knowledge or teaching about god they have nothing
to eat? In a page in my life I had been asking myself what could be my role with
this kind of our society. Thus, now I came to the understanding of having
experienced all these in my life. Personally I was certain that this was not
just an experience but something to learn on…it was an incident that made me
ponder of my role as part of the church…
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| Mona (R) with Sun Hee, a Korean LMassigned in the Philippines |
With the generosity of the
CLM, I was given the chance to minister to patients at the same time be
ministered by them through the Clinical Pastoral Education. My experience in
the hospital taught me not only how to listen to them but to listen also to my
own self. Being with them every day for more than two months was such a great
challenge too. I saw myself in different aspects of personalities with the
different patients. Thus, I realized how God revealed himself to me through
these people… It was a very painful process but rewarding in the sense that
after having been expressed all my deep seated struggles and issues, I am
relieved! This part of my orientation has helped me a lot to see and be aware
of my own self especially issues which unconsciously and consciously affect my
personality and relationship with people and God.
Taking up the challenge going
south (Mindanao) was one of the illumination I received. At times I felt like
St. Paul traveling from one place to another but our difference was that he did
the proclamation of the Word of God while I was just an observant… My time
spent with every community / family has given me an overview of how to be in a
diverse culture… a foretaste to be a missionary. My respect to every culture
has always been a great challenge - the language that summoned me to learn in
order to understand them, the practices and ethnicity that I have to abide with
as a visitor to that place, and the test to accept the unacceptable in my
vocabulary…
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| Mona with team mates Marj and Liezl in Tukuran, Zamboanga del Sur |
Living out my life I always
thought that only ordained and religious people can do the so called-
missionary work. But my orientation journey allowed me to see deeper what and
how is to be in mission and to be a missionary. It provides me as well an
opportunity where I saw the important role of laity in our society and in the
world…
Looking back at my life’s
journey, I realized God has always been good to me despite of my weak points.
Those experiences helped me to discern well with my vocation. God was so
creative in such a way that I was able to understand his plans for me. That I
believe I didn’t choose this alone which I always thought but we did it
together. Yes, He showed me my strengths and weaknesses to be my provision that
I will be carrying with me through my journey going to the Island of Fiji as His partner in the
mission. I thank Him for I realized He had not been sleeping after all, He is
in fact on the same journey with me.
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